He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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