Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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