so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
