so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
