This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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