so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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