Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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