Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize