how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
