Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
