I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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