is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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