You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
