This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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