Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
