after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
