This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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