new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize