This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
