he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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