I think my fart just growled at me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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