Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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