Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize