Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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