The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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