i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
