I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
