I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
someone owes me an orgasm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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