I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize