I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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