a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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