Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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