He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
