Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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