So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
