Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
