Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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