guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
