I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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