I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
