my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
