she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
