I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We left the knife in your bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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