is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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