I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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