Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
