they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
