Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
