There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
