So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
