you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
