After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my shit smells like andre
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
