there's paper in my vomit.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
