My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
