I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
