What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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