wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
