Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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