I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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