When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
