I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
