The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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