singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Panties = found
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