Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
