I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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