i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
