bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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