Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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